User talk:Requiem of Ice
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Stephen the Killer page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! -- ObliterationoftheSelf (Talk) 07:37, September 2, 2012 MooseJuice (talk) 18:01, September 2, 2012 (UTC) Chat ban You are blocked for a week for posting multiple screamers in chat. Be the man of the house, not the man of the horse. 02:47, September 5, 2012 (UTC) I am the future of this city! I am the king! (talk) 02:45, October 1, 2012 (UTC) Categories Violation You have added categories to a page that cannot be added together. Please read the Genre Listing page or the for more information. The first offense for this OR creating new categories (i.e. adding categories not listed on the Genre Listing) is a warning, but the second time will result in a 1 (one) day block as per the . LOLSKELETONS Talk • 20:53, April 9, 2013 (UTC) "You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 22:06, December 25, 2013 (UTC) Banned From Chat You have been banned from chat for being a sock of HeWhoDiedHere. Your ban before was ended before by FurBearingBrick without a reason given. This has been corrected. If you would like to appeal the ban, please leave a message on my talk page _ChaoZStrider • [[User_talk:ChaoZStrider|'Talk']] 22:04, January 30, 2014 (UTC) Ban Appealed I appealed your ban a few days ago based on the evidence you provided on my profile, which is availble for any other moderator/admin to review incase they do not feel it is suffiencent but in my eyes, that was enough proof that you and HeWhoDiedHere are not the same person so you should not be banned. _ChaoZStrider • [[User_talk:ChaoZStrider|'Talk']] 08:05, March 11, 2014 (UTC) Why I Deleted Your Story I noticed on your deletion appeal for White Mist, that Callie told you to contact me about it. The big problem with your story is it isn't written very well. The grammar is mostly fine, "10 yr old" should be "10-year-old" or, alternately, 10 years old. Also, there's an instance at the end of not starting a new paragraph when there's a new speaker. There's a few other things that look like they're just typos. Spelling is fine. It's just the writing itself. It's very awkwardly written. Let's look at a few sentences: Sherri went again to get out of the passenger's seat, but when she did, she had tripped and fallen down on other shards of glass, which penetrated her skin, making her scream as blood dripped down her body. All she could see was nothing but darkness. As she is crying, she sees the white mist again, and then the black silhouette. Sherri was now surprised to speak. '' ''She rushed too fast without observation and fell inside the cave mouth, breaking her left leg. Sherri could smile as she heard that, but then frowned and cried. In general, your writing suffers from an imbalance. There's a lot of words you don't need and you're missing the details you do need. All of these sentences, but not JUST these, it's a huge issue through out, can be pared down or re-phrased so they flow much better. Sherri got out of the car. She tripped and fell onto bits of broken window. The glass cut into her and she screamed as she watched blood flow from the cuts. She couldn't see anything. She cried. The white mist appeared again, followed by the black silhouette. Sherri was surprised that she could speak. She fell into the cave and her leg broke when she landed. Sherri smiled, but as the meaning of the words sunk in she started to cry. Now, these sentences aren't perfect. There's still an issue that I'll discuss soon. These are just re-phrased so they're less awkward. It might seem like a little thing, but awkward phrasing is a killer. It's more distracting than a typo, because when you misspell a word the brain will automatically fix it and the reader can keep rolling relatively easy. A phrase like "As she is crying", can make people come to a full stop and think, "That is not the best way to say that." The phrasing isn't the only issue, though. Your story reads like a summary. It's a very passive story. Think of a book or movie that you like, now go to wikipedia and read the plot synopsis for it. It's not as good is it? It's missing all kinds of detail, you don't feel engaged. That's what the story feels like. It feels like I'm hanging out with someone and they're telling me the story. This is where the imbalance comes in. This is the stuff you're missing. You need to fill in your story with detail. You need to make it more active. Take it slow. Describe more. For example, HOW does Sherri trip? HOW does she fall into the cave. How does she feel emotionally, don't just tell us she's scared. Show us how it feels for a 10-year-old to be scared like THIS. "She thought to herself what the thing was or what would happen if she got caught" This is a nothing sentence. Be present in your story-telling. Let us her what she's thinking. She wakes up blind in a hospital, "She ran to the man and noticed he was skinny to the point of being bony" This is not good description. It's like saying someone is thin to the point of being slender. Go deeper with your descriptions, don't just use adjectives. Show us what the man looks like. "Sherri could smile as she heard that, but then frowned and cried." Stuff like this is too simplistic to have an impact. Go deeper, don't tell us she's sad, show us, show us what's inside her head. There's also a few story issues. This 10-year-old girl handles the death of her mother pretty well. In fact, it's almost immediately forgotten. There's. . .one more mention of the mom, I think. And it's in the context of Sherri thinking that she will soon be dead like her mother. Also, that big shard of glass in her stomach. That also seems to be forgotten. That's a major wound, especially for a child. You mention stuff about how she can't run, but you never address this big piece of glass sticking out of her stomach again. Also, when she falls, my immediate thought is that would drive the shard in deeper, but, again, it doesn't seem to be of any consequence. Now, let me be clear, everybody has their own style, but your style can't negatively effect your story. Your writing should sound like your writing, but you don't want your writing to sound clunky. A good practice is to read your writing out loud. Does it sound natural? Does it flow well? Does it sound like words could be removed or re-phrased? Oh, one last issue: too many of your sentences start with either "she" or "Sherri." It makes it very monotonous and reinforces the feeling that somebody is casually telling a story. ImGonnaBeThatGuy (talk) 16:23, March 11, 2014 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's minimum quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read this blog post for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. A picture is worth a thousand words, but I'd rather write a thousand-word story. (talk) 06:08, October 19, 2014 (UTC)